Arsenal Confirm Extra Season Ticket Charge For 'Small Part Of Your Soul'

Arsenal have emailed their season ticket holders explaining that they will have to pay an extra charge next season for roughly sixteen percent of their souls.

The Emirates Stadium side have communicated that all fans will have to pay £16.11 on top of the price of their tickets, a figure that takes into account the fact that the seven cup ties allocated this season have been spread over a number of ‘Categories’ – for example, whilst their FA Cup tie against Hull comes under ‘C’, and is therefore in the cheapest bracket, their Champions League clash against FC Barcelona is in the most expensive ‘A’ band – meaning an outstanding fee is now owed by all ticket holders. In addition, there is a small administrative fee that covers the small part of the soul not already owned by the club.

In an email sent to all season ticket holders, Arsenal said: ‘Due to the number of matches played this season and the categories assigned to them – as well as the fact that your souls belong to us as part of the terms and conditions as set out when you agreed to purchase your seat – there will be an additional cost to your season ticket for 2016-17 of £16.11. The additional cost will be added to your renewal price for next season.

‘We thank you for your continued interest in our affairs’.

Long time season ticket holder Jason Meredith said: ‘Nothing this club does surprises me anymore. As if it’s bad enough they’re charging me for a game I’ve already been to, now I’m having to fork over what’s left of my very being. And I wondered why electric doors weren’t opening for me anymore’.

It is thought that the extra money raised will go towards a markedly improved menu in the club’s executive suites, which can be enjoyed by regular fans if they squint hard enough from their seats at half time.