Roboblatter

In the wake of FIFA’s ethics committee handing president Sepp Blatter an eight-year suspension from football, RoboBlatter has announced its intention to replace its human alter-ego as the head of the world governing body.

The 79-year-0ld has been kicked out of world football after being found guilty of making UEFA president Michel Platini a ‘disloyal payment’ to prevent the Frenchman from running against him in this year’s FIFA presidential election. Although the pair maintained the payment related to work performed by Platini a decade ago, it was revealed as being a barely-concealed bribe. Platini has also been suspended from the game for eight years.

Using the tag line ‘Part Man, Part Machine, All FIFA’, the robotic version of Blatter is believed to be the Swiss national’s preferred option, as it is thought RoboBlatter would be the mechanism most likely to continue the work he has done in the last seventeen years.

Another advantage for RoboBlatter is that, owing to his unique robotic makeup, it is in a position to rule ad-infinitum, as he is incapable of dying.

When asked how it would deal with the stratospheric levels of corruption that has been rife within FIFA – and was ultimately responsible for human Blatter’s downfall – RoboBlatter replied: ‘My Prime Directives are serve the public trust, protect the innocent, uphold the laws of football’.

Other candidates are expected to include failed presidential candidate Prince Ali bin Hussein, Tokyo Sexwale, and Col. John Matrix (retired) from the 1985 cult film ‘Commando’.