allardyce rodgers

Following on from Brendan Rodgers’ Liverpool dismissal, Sam Allardyce is currently fretting over the fact that he can’t remember if he informed the Anfield board of directors of his new telephone number.

Allardyce had been using his official West Ham United mobile phone last time he had contact with Liverpool owner John Henry, but was forced to change both suppliers and numbers after he was shown the Boleyn Ground door.

Sitting in his Hetton-le-Hole living room watching the post-match analysis of Arsenal’s 3-0 victory over Manchester United, as the news broke he told no one in particular: ‘Fuck, were they in my contacts when I changed phones?’

The 60-year-old then said, after a minute of deep contemplation: ‘Sod it, if they want me they’ve got the agent’s details’.

Liverpool are expected to made a move for free-agent Jürgen Klopp, but will probably have to settle for Allardyce when the German’s able to stop laughing long enough to say ‘No’.