Benítez Offered £50 Worth Of Sports Direct Vouchers To Remain In Newcastle Hotseat

Newcastle United owner Mike Ashley is confident that manager Rafael Benítez will extend his stay at Newcaslte United after offering him £50.00 worth of Sports Direct shop credit.

The Magpies will take to the field in the Championship next season, and a drop in level might convince the Spanish boss that his future lies somewhere other than St. James’ Park.

Speaking in the wake of Newcastle’s last game of the season, Ashley said: ‘Look, the transfer dealings are quite to bit to offer. If it weren’t for Graham Carr we wouldn’t have made such great signings like Emmanuel Rivière and Gabriel Obertan. Plus Graham gets us all free tickets to his son’s stand up. I know, right?!’

Benitez has refused to commit himself to a cause outside the top flight so far, but he did say: ‘I will have to think about this offer in depth, whilst I am very much enjoying my time here, and enjoying such sights as the Tyne Bridge and scantily clad ladies at night who I have been assured aren’t actually prostitutes, I can’t forget that the last pair of tracksuit bottoms I got from Sports Direct ripped in the crotch after 2 nights’.

Ashley, however, still feels positive over the club’s future, adding: ‘Hey, you never know – if we come straight back up and Aleksandar Mitrović  grows a ponytail we might get £32 million for him. That’s a lot of dead stock’.

Newcastle fans remain hopeful that Benítez will decide to stay, as the thought of Ashley’s second choice – Hull City’s Steve Bruce – is just too unbearable to even think about.