Sepp Blatter

FIFA’s delegates are today celebrating the unprecedented achievement of going an entire month without a single incident of note taking place by awarding themselves $10,000 each, as well as taking their pick from the 2015 range of Mercedes-Benz executive saloons.

Many observers have expressed their surprise at the dignified way world football’s executive body has handled itself in the wake of the FBI’s investigations into corruption within the organisation, with most saying that FIFA’s members deserve a treat after going such a long time without behaving badly.

The Guardian’s David Conn said: ‘Let them have their moment. They’ve behaved so well since Sepp Blatter announced his resignation as president that I think they’ve earned it. What’s a Prada handbag between friends?’

The Mail on Sunday’s Oliver Holt commented: ‘What we tend to overlook is the fact that it’s very hard to turn your back on all that money being offered in exchange for hosting the World Cup in a desert nation that has no football history and a deplorable human rights record. If they’re getting a C-Class Merc for no return, then fair play. It’s not as if they’ve corrupted the game’s good name by chasing Russia’s blood-money soaked petrodollars or any… oh’.

As well as the luxury cars and tax-free cash, members will be able to claim up to two Fabergé eggs each, write off up to fourteen free breakfasts a day, and cite diplomatic immunity outside the US should the FBI want to ask any more annoying questions.