News

Arsenal fans attending the club’s final game of the season are planning to lend their full support to the players and manager Arsène Wenger – a stunning protest that is sure to send shockwaves through the corridors of power at Highbury House.

Following Leicester City’s confirmation as Premier League champions, reports this morning are surfacing that local Bolton man Keith Bradshaw has outed himself as a Foxes supporter, after spending the last six months saying that he ‘knew they would win the title one day, it’d been coming for years’.

Leicester City striker Jamie Vardy has promised that his highly anticipated party will be a low key celebration, as the newly crowned Premier League champions still have two games left to play this season.

Leicester fucking City, 5,000-1 outsiders to win the Premier League when it kicked off last August, are today celebrating the fact that they have only fucking well become champions of mother fucking England.

The Nigerian Football Federation have announced that Harry Redknapp has agreed to become the national team manager, and that the appointment will be confirmed once he has forwarded them his full bank details.

Manchester United have released details of thirty-eight new home kits for next season, which will be the second under their record deal with kit suppliers Adidas.

Lee Martin has said that he is happy to talk about anything other than his role in the 1990 FA Cup Final as Manchester United and Crystal Palace booked their places at the football showpiece over the weekend.

Chelsea have continued their efforts to clean up their image by appointing Antonio Conte, a man accused of being involved in a match-fixing scandal back in Italy, as the permanent replacement for José Mourinho, who departed Stamford Bridge earlier this season.

The internet’s leading network of trolls have come together to issue a statement that Leicester City are no longer fair game, as the Foxes close in on their first ever League Championship.

With Emmanuel Eboué’s shock sacking following hot on the heels of Adam Johnson’s controversial dismissal, Sunderland are now scrambling around looking for any excuse to dismiss under-performing centre half Wes Brown.

Rémi Garde, who has left Aston Villa after five months in charge, has spoken of his pride at being able to redefine the meaning of the word ‘hopeless’ in the short time he sat in the Villa Park hotseat.

Johan Cruyff, who has died aged 68, has spoken of his excitement at bringing his football philosophy to the pitches of heaven, with such late heavyweights as Eusébio and Alfredo di Stefano welcoming the Dutchman’s early arrival.