Regular Features

On today’s news: Islamic State shocks world with stunning last-gasp transfer for Boko Haram star, ‘Stop praying before kick-off to Me’, demands God, ‘You’re just a shit Wilf Rostron’, player told, and the score from a thrilling day at Old Trafford.

FC Barcelona are once more champions of Euope, following their 3-1 victory over Juventus. But how exactly will they celebrate their fifth Champions League success?