As Eboué Follows Johnson, Sunderland Look For Reasons To Sack Wes Brown

With Emmanuel Eboué’s shock sacking following hot on the heels of Adam Johnson’s controversial dismissal, Sunderland are now scrambling around looking for any excuse to dismiss under-performing centre half Wes Brown.

The 32-year-old was handed a one-year ban by FIFA for failing to pay his agent Sébastien Boisseau, and the Black Cats were quick to cancel the Ivorian’s short-term contract.

Manager Sam Allardyce said: ‘It’s a shame for the lad, as he’d only been here a few weeks. I can’t deny it’s a shame, especially given that we’ve already lost Adam, but if you go sticking your bits in underage girls, and holding back payments for your representatives, what can you expect?’

Allaryce continued: ‘There’s people saying that these two cases are symptomatic of a club that doesn’t know its proverbial arse from its elbow. But that’s simply not true; We didn’t know the players would get caught or anything’.

Chairman Ellis Short, taking to the club’s official website, told fans: ‘I’d like to assure fans that we are doing everything we can to restore balance to a side in desperate need of points. Already, following on from these two incidents, we are seeing if there’s any grounds for terminating Wes Brown’s contract. In the last two weeks, he has been fined for failing to tip the tea lady, as well as being severely reprimanded for being a suspiciously tangerine-y shade of orange. He’s one unattended Gatorade bottle away from the exit door. Promise’.

Of the Eboué incident, Sunderland supporter Frank Hampson spoke for many Mackems when he said: ‘I didn’t even know we’d signed him’.

With eight games remaining, Sunderland occupy eighteenth place in the league, two points – and one more match played – than Norwich City, who currently occupy the final safety position.