Rémi Garde, who has left Aston Villa after five months in charge, has spoken of his pride at being able to redefine the meaning of the word ‘hopeless’ in the short time he sat in the Villa Park hotseat.
Under the Frenchman’s guidance, the Villains won just two of their twenty Premier League matches, and are almost certainly guaranteed to be relegated at season’s end.
Following the club’s announcement that his contract had been terminated by mutual consent, Garde said: ‘I want to thank the Villa fans for their support since I came in, and I can only apologise that I wasn’t able to turn things around.
‘However, I am incredibly proud of the fact that, under my brief, ill-fated reign, I was able, with the support of Micah Richards, Joleon Lescott and Gabby Agbonlahor, to change perceptions into what true hopelessness is. Surely it is only a matter of time before the Oxford English Dictionary defines the term as “Being the owner of a Season Ticket on the Holte End”‘.
The 49-year-old continued: ‘Also, with the help of the aforementioned players, I am thrilled to have brought new meaning to the word ‘deadwood’. I wish them luck in the Championship. They’re going to need it’.
Garde’s predecessor, the equally incompetent Tim Sherwood, told reporters: ‘Not looking so bad now, am I?’
Eric Black has been appointed interim manager, with supporters desperately hoping that no one at the club has Neil Warnock’s telephone number.