eurozone

Greece has offered to resolve the eurozone crisis with the European Union by taking their game to ‘next goal wins’, despite the nation currently trailing 323 billion to nil.

Finance minister Yanis Varoufakis has also suggested that the EU could forget the debt owed to them if he could accurately name every FA Cup winner from 1872.

Varoufakis said: ‘This is our final offer, and perhaps our fairest one to date. We’re confident we could secure the final goal, especially as we’ve just named Angelos Charisteas and Georgios Samaras to our cabinet. What have they got to lose?’

German chancellor Angela Merkel is said to be wary of Greece’s proposal, but is considering a counter offer where a reduced amount will be accepted if Varoufakis can explain in less than 500 words the point of the Full Members Cup.