to madeira

This guy down the pub is totally lying when he says that he’s seen Portuguese legend Tó Madeira in action, as he never actually existed in real life, which literally everyone knows, right?

Yet here is is, bold as brass, telling everyone within earshot that he really did, honest to God, see this man – who only existed in the world of Championship Manager 01/02 – playing and scoring in a Portuguese league game.

This dude, and I can’t believe I’m actually typing this bollocks, said: ‘I was on holiday with the missus, when I sloped away for the afternoon to watch the local side. It was fucking boring as, but after sixty minutes they brought on this guy, and he was proper amazing. With his first touch, he scored a screamer from like forty yards, hitting the ball like an Exocet or some shit, giving the goalie no chance. Then a bit later, he gets the ball on the halfway line, dribbles round six defenders – proper Roy of the Rovers stuff – leaves the goalie for dead with a dummy, and when he gets to the goal line, no word of a lie, he gets on his knees and knocks it in with his head. Complete piss take or what?

‘When the game was over, I went over to one of the other players, and I says: “Oi, Pedro! Who’s that geezer what scored that goal on his knees?” And do you know what he told me? Can you guess? He only told me it was the real Tó fucking Madeira! I couldn’t believe it! But there he was, large as life. Best fucking thing I ever saw mate’.

So anyway, I told him he was lying and all that, but he just kept banging on about it as if really did happen. I don’t know, some people, yeah?