Holy Fucking Shit! Leicester Fucking City Fucking Win Fucking Premier Fucking League

Leicester fucking City, 5,000-1 outsiders to win the Premier League when it kicked off last August, are today celebrating the fact that they have only fucking well become champions of mother fucking England.

The King Power Stadium side, who just two seasons ago were in the cunting Championship, for Christ’s sake, watched on as closest rivals Tottenham Hotspur blew a two goal lead at Chelsea, thus ensuring that the goddamn Premier League trophy made its way to the Midlands city for the first time in the club’s history.

Striker Jamie Vardy, who hosted a gathering of team-mates to watch the game from Stamford Bridge, said: ‘Son of a bitch. Mother fuck. Sweet zombie Jesus. Shit me’.

Captain Wes Morgan added: ‘Fuck. Fuck. Fuckety fuck fuck. Fuck me’.

Manager Claudio Ranieri had decided to return to Italy to spend time with his 96-year-old mother, but was heard saying at the final whistle: ‘My God. My fucking God. Champions. Fucking champions’.

Leicester City, and I can’t believe I’m actually fucking typing this, England’s new champions, will be officially crowned when they host Everton on May 7.