Chelsea manager José Mourinho yesterday morning used his daily press conference to allege that he was felched by his Manchester United counterpart Louis van Gaal.

The 52-year-old claimed that the sex act occurred following Chelsea’s 1-0 home victory over the Red Devils in April 2015.

Struggling to hold back the tears, Mourinho told the assembled journalists: ‘We were in my office after the game enjoying a nice rioja. He told me that, following our comprehensive victory over his side, I truly was the Special One. Next thing I know, he’s sucking his own semen out of my anus’.

When contacted, van Gaal denied any wrongdoing, but is believed to have told friends that he intends to give Mourinho a dirty sanchez next time they meet.