Literally No One Surprised As Manchester United Crash To Danish Minnows Midtjylland

Absolutely nobody in the world was in the least bit surprised by Manchester United’s away defeat to FC Midtjylland in the first knockout round of the Europa League, according to reports.

A crowd of 9,182 packed into the MCH Arena to witness what everyone expected to be one of the big giant killings of the season, and those loyal fans who were forced to pay £71 for the pleasure of witnessing it were quick to pour scorn on the side currently lying fifth in the Barclays Premier League.

Stig Olsen, who has followed the Ulvene since their formation in 1999, told a leading Danish newspaper: ‘It’s a result we could all see coming a mile off. You’ve got a team full of part-timers who can barely kick a ball straight, and they’re up against Midtjylland. It was a foregone conclusion, wasn’t it?’

Mikkel Kjeldsen, whose allegiance actually lies with AGF Aarhus, said: ‘I only came along because a mate had a spare ticket and I wanted to see for myself just how shit Chris Smalling really is. That’s what passes for a professional footballer these days?’

Club chairman Johnny Rune told reporters: ‘I haven’t been this happy since Andri Sigþórsson took Champ 3 by storm. I almost feel sorry for United, having to play us again next week’.

United took the lead through Memphis Depay after 37 minutes, but were pegged back before half time after some characteristically shocking defending allowed Pione Sisto to equalise. The humiliation was complete when second-half substitute Paul Onuachu popped up with the winner on 77 minutes.

United boss Louis van Gaal, who now faces even more questions about his Old Trafford future told reporters: ‘It is, in the most definite terms, absolutely everyone else’s fault and not mine. I think Giggsy’s after my job. I saw him huddled with Michael Carrick at half time, and I could swear blind he told him to throw the second half. Some people’.

United face the prospect of yet another giant killing as they take on Shropshire giants Shrewsbury Town in the FA Cup on Monday night.