mighty red

Liverpool, still reeling from Raheem Sterling’s controversial move to Manchester City, have been dealt a fresh blow after their mascot, Mighty Red, handed in a transfer request just two weeks before the start of the new season.

The six-foot liver bird, who was birthed in 2012, has claimed that the Anfield giants can’t match his ambition, and is determined to secure a move to a Champions League side before the summer transfer window shuts.

He told reporters: ‘With Stevie G gone to America, and Raheem forcing his move away, it’s clear to me that we are about as far away from a top four finish as we’ve ever been. I’m at the point in my career where I need to win trophies, and that’s something that won’t be done here.

‘If I say “fuck the kids”, would that help?’ he asked, ‘Okay then: Fuck. The. Kids’.

Interest in Mighty Red has so far been small, as he doesn’t garner the same recognition as Arsenal’s Gunnersaurus Rex, but he is still convinced that Real Madrid or Juventus might be interested in securing his services.