'Lonely' Swansea City Turn To Tinder For Company, Casual Sex

Swansea City, now well into a second season as the only Welsh club in the Premier League, have signed up to online dating app Tinder in order to find company and engage in casual, late night sex in the South Wales area.

The club, who are currently sitting just four points clear of the relegation zone, have grown tired of waiting for neighbours Cardiff City to return to English football’s top flight, despite the repeated promises from owner Vincent Tan that they’re ‘on their way’, so have joined the popular app in order to once more feel what it’s like to be close to someone, a luxury denied to The Swans since Cardiff’s relegation in 2014.

New head coach Francesco Guidolin said: ‘Two years is a long time to go without being close to somebody. Obviously we’re looking for a bit of companionship, but if someone were to hit us up and we liked the look of them…

‘I’m saying we’re up for a good fuck,’ the 60-year-old added.

Guidolin, who was appointed following the departure of Garry Monk, went on to say that any single women within a twenty mile radius of the Liberty Stadium are welcome to check them out, but they won’t be available twenty fours hours before all first team fixtures.