A London man is struggling to find either the right time or the courage to admit to his wife that a major football tournament is taking place this summer.
England fan Terry Adams is keen to spend as much time as possible watching the European Championships, which naturally interferes with wife Lucy’s plans to spend as much of the next month as possible going out and, you know, actually having a life.
Whilst cowering in the spare bedroom of their Twickenham flat, the 39-year-old office manager whispered to himself: ‘I know the tournament has almost started, but I just haven’t found the right moment to bring it up. Courage man, courage’.
He continued: ‘Last time, she decided to punish me for the audacity of there being a World Cup by watching games with me. She totally fucking ruined Cameroon vs Croatia by constantly talking to me about her work colleague’s annoying habits. Or was it her ideas for the bathroom? Anyway, I’d rather be dragged kicking and screaming to sit through Wicked again than relive that fucking nightmare’.
Terry admits he’s been making an extra effort of late to try and soften the impending blow, but he also worries this has made her suspicious, saying: ‘I almost bought her flowers under the pretence of “just because I love you”, but she definitely would have twigged I reckon’.
He finally added: ‘Oh, and I’m not even gonna fucking bother with the Olympics, that’s a lost cause. I’ll just pretend I never knew about it either’.
Due to the severity of the guilt that would be laid upon him, Terry has considered alternative options such as having an affair to buy some undisturbed time outside of the house, or using upwards of thirty separate work-based excuses to cover at least the late evening fixtures.