Steve McClaren

Reports coming out of St. James’ Park suggest that manager Steve McClaren has managed to lose the Newcastle United dressing room after insisting on playing Ghostbusters II on the team coach whilst travelling to play their recent away match at Stoke City.

McClaren, who seems incapable of steering his team clear of relegation, and could be mere hours away from being the latest St. James’ Park casualty, is known for his man-management skills, but it appears that he misinterpreted the mood amongst his first team squad by choosing to play the supernatural 1989 comedy sequel instead of striker Aleksandar Mitrović’s pirated copy of Trumbo.

Captain Fabricio Coloccini said: ‘We couldn’t believe what we were seeing. Who wants to watch Ghostbusters II? It was dreadful twenty five years ago, and age has just made it worse. I’ve purposely been avoiding Trumbo as well. I love Bryan Cranston, he’s just so authentic’.

Midfielder Jack Colback, who was amongst those who supported the manager’s decision, said: ‘I’ve got to hold my hands up. I thought he was talking about the first Ghostbusters film. That bit where the ghost librarian goes ape shit on them is priceless! So, yeah, I was disappointed when it turned out we were watching the turgid sequel.

‘I’m not sure if I trust the gaffer after this’, he added.

However, not everybody was left disgruntled in the wake of the screening, with Moussa Sissoko saying: ‘I actually enjoyed it. I’ve never seen the first Ghostbusters, but had watched a couple of the Real Ghostbusters cartoons, which I always liked. So, even though I’ve never seen the original, I was still able to follow it. It’s all right man’.

McClaren is believed to have acknowledged his mistake, and has promised to show the original Major League film, and definitely not one of the two sequels, on the way to Newcastle’s next away game, a tough trip to table topping Leicester City.