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I first played Championship Manager – or Football Manager as it has been known for a decade now – in 1994, and in that time I have learned many things: 4-4-2 isn’t necessarily the best formation to use, hard resets after a defeat may keep one on course for a title but does little for the soul and, above all else, I would be the ideal manager for Manchester City.

How I keep getting overlooked is beyond me. What does Manuel Pellegrini offer that I can’t? I won the Champions League with Rhyl. Rhyl, for Christ’s sake.

I have scaled the heights with Bradford Park Avenue. My eyes have seen the glory of the cups at Brisbane Road. I knocked Real Madrid off their fucking perch with Huesca. Yet every time a top job comes along I am ignored, disregarded for your van Gaal’s, Mourinho’s and even the McClaren’s of this world. Just because they have ‘real life experience of managing at the top level’, whatever that means. Did I mention my World Cup success with Guatemala?

Brazil ’70 eat your heart out…

I know how to handle players. It was I who turned Julius Aghahowa into the greatest player of his generation. I who helped Andri Sigþórsson make Cherno Samba look like, well, Cherno Samba. You would have never heard of Sergei Baltacha if it wasn’t for me. What do you mean ‘who’s Sergei Baltacha’? What’s wrong with you?

For twenty years I have been there, done that and still managed to fit into the same t-shirt I was wearing when I bought my first copy. Sort of. There’s a few rips around the stomach region. I’ve put in the work, grafted hard, kept my head down, and concentrated on getting results. In short, I know that I am the perfect fit for a club the size of City. I’ve proved it time and again over the years.