Idiots across Great Britain are turning their moronic opinions from current affairs to football as the new season gets underway over the next two weeks.

From Lands End to John O’ Groats, the ever growing minority of simple-minded troglodytes will turn their attention away from the immigration crisis in Calais, and focus instead on Liverpool’s near-certain bad start to their Premier League campaign.

Renowned social media shit-for-brains @PizzaLover85 tweeted: ‘Finally! Enough about bloody lions. Benteke’s wonder strike proves he’s worth £32.5 mill #whocaresitwasjustafriendly’.

This Morning agony aunt Denise Robertson said: ‘This is the time of year that people’s misinformed, lazy, Daily Mail-based opinions traditionally change focus from what’s going on in the world – which doesn’t tend to be much beyond immigrants and dead animals at this time of year – to the football, meaning that those who follow the sport are inundated with misinformed, lazy, Daily Mail-based opinion about the worst football kits, Liverpool’s chances of success and Manchester United trying to sign every player that’s ever lived.

‘My advice to the non-idiots is to stay off Twitter until the transfer window shuts. And avoid the Daily Mail. Although that’s not a football thing. Just stay off the Daily Mail. It’s evil’.