benteke

New Liverpool signing Christian Benteke has insisted that he will not flop like Liverpool’s previous high-value signing Andy Carroll, saying that he intends to fail at Anfield more in the style of South African Sean Dundee, who lingered like a bad fart in the late 1990s.

The Belgian, a £32.5 million capture from an Aston Villa who still can’t believe they managed to get so much for a hulking lump who only plays when he feels like it, is eager not to be cast in the same light as Carroll – a similar player who cost Liverpool just as much when he moved from Newcastle, and scored just six goals in forty four appearances – saying that Dundee is a much better comparison for him.

Benteke explained: ‘I’m definitely more Dundee than Carroll. After all, I’ll be amazed if I’m still in the side come the new year. Or the new season, come to that. I mean, just look at my competition: Sturridge, Firminio, Borini, Ings, Lambert, Ballotelli. Not forgetting Origi, Ibe and Coutinho. How many forwards does one club need?

‘Oh God’, he added, ‘I think I’ve made a huge mistake’.

However, the 24-year-old soon perked up after his agent reminded him how much he’ll be earning just for playing the occasional Capital One Cup game.

Benteke will make his debut appearance off the bench when Liverpool travel to Stoke City on August 9.