As Olympic Stadium Move Nears, Taxpayers Demand A Say In West Ham Transfer Policy

British taxpayers have demanded a seat at the West Ham United transfer committee table, as the Hammers’ move to the Olympic Stadium draws ever closer.

Initially built for the 2012 London Olympics, West Ham have avoided a £700 million debt by moving into a facility that was never intended to be used by a football club. They will however have to pay an annual rent of around £2.5 million over the next 99 years, although the taxpayer will still foot the bill for ticket checkers, turnstile operators, medical staff and cleaners for each game.

Terry Hawes, speaking on behalf of every single UK resident that has paid tax over the past ten years, said: ‘Any way you look at it, it’s just not right that a club that is guaranteed to make £100 million for television rights alone from next season is allowed to simply move into a stadium we all paid for, and that was meant to be kept out of the clutches of top flight football clubs.

‘Therefore, we feel it is only right that we are allowed to sit alongside Karen Brady and Slaven Bilić when discussions take place over who West Ham intend to sign next season. After all, this is a club more known for wasting vast sums of money on players like Kieron Dyer and Carlton Cole than Dimitri Payet. Look at Leicester, and their fantastic transfer policy. We should be trying to bring in the next Riyad Mahrez, rather than giving the likes of Andy Carroll another payday he barely deserves’.

Twitter has been awash with taxpayers supporting the idea, with @happyDon1887 saying: ‘A seat at the transfer table is the least we should get. Let’s bring Neymar to Newham’.

With perhaps a hint of jealousy, @Yiddo61 wrote: ‘Spurs’s new ground will saddle them with a massive debt that will take years to pay off, something West Ham won’t worry about. Let’s give them Ryan Mason and see how they like that. The bastards’.

The Hammers, who have never attracted a crowd larger than 42,000 to the Boleyn Ground, have just announced that the capacity of the Olympic Stadium will be 60,000, with even the most die-hard fan unsure about how it’s going to be filled after the novelty value has worn off and the club is saddled with a ground that is barely fit for purpose.