pochettino press conference

Tottenham Hotspur head coach Mauricio Pochettino’s post-match press conference yesterday descended into a quote-off of lines from cult US sitcom ‘Arrested Development’, with the boss and journalists attempting to out-do each other when it came to knowledge of the much-loved show.

Pochettino was speaking in the wake of Tottenham’s goalless draw at home to Liverpool, which marked the first outing for new Reds boss Jürgen Klopp, but the 43-year-old seemed to be more comfortable discussing the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together.

The Guardian’s Daniel Taylor started the ball rolling when he asked: ‘Would you say that Harry Kane’s goalscoring touch would return if you employed a wingman, even though it might result in you taking a chubby’, with the Argentinian replying: ‘There’s got to be a better way to phrase that’.

After that, proceedings continued to go downhill, with The Sun’s Shaun Custiss asking: ‘Do you think that you’re capable of turning some of these draws into wins?’ with Pochettino answering back: ‘Well, I think that you’re forgetting that I was a professional twice over – an analyst and a therapist. The world’s first analrapist’.

Freelancer Jake Hindmarsh, who admitted to having never watched the multi-award winning show, said: ‘After a couple of minutes, everyone just stopped asking questions, and just threw quotes around like they had to prove they were the best. I had no idea what was going on. Is there always money in the banana stand? What even is a banana stand?’

Pochettino, who now prepares his side for a trip to Belgium for Thursday’s Europa League tie against RSC Anderlecht, finally brought things to an end four hours later by saying: ‘All right fellas, maybe you could start jeté-ing… and stop je-terrorizing me. Peace!’

The result leaves Tottenham in seventh place, with three wins and five draws from their opening nine games.