Premier League Consider Threats Of Shootings To Improve Europa League Performances

The Premier League has admitted that it may shoot random players of teams competing in the Europa League in order to force its members into taking seriously UEFA’s secondary tournament.

Lacklustre performances by English teams in the competition has led the domestic tournament to be on the verge of losing one of its places in the Champions League to Italy’s Serie A, and this is something that has naturally caused concern with the league’s corridors of power.

Premier League Chief Executive Richard Scudamore said: ‘It would be a shame if something should happen to (Tottenham Hotspur reserve goalkeeper) Michel Vorm. Needless to say, we’ll be watching the Spurs-Fiorentina tie very closely’.

The 56-year-old continued: ‘Equally, it would be very upsetting for all involved if (Manchester United star) Daley Blind were to be found in a dustbin behind an Indian restaurant in Rusholme with a single gunshot wound behind his left ear.

‘I’m just saying’, the administrator added.

Sources within the Premier League’s remaining clubs are said to be concerned with the threats, but aren’t convinced that the authorities would actually go through with any action of violence, pointing to the fact that, whenever they have been threatened with having a book thrown at them, no such publication has ever been produced.

However, just to be on the safe side, Tottenham chairman Daniel Levy has suggested to head coach Mauricio Pochettino that he starts with goalkeeping captain Hugo Lloris on Thursday night.