Saido Berahino

Saido Berahino has spoken of his ill-treatment at the hands of West Bromwich Albion, saying that he struggles to remember a time when his morning coffee wasn’t served to him without the addition of a third-party’s saliva.

The striker caused controversy on the final day of the summer transfer window after posting a message on Twitter saying that, in the wake of his employers turning down four bids from Tottenham Hotspur, he would never again play for the club while chairman Jeremy Peace is in situ.

Elucidating on his post, which merely hinted at his disgust, the 22-year-old said: ‘I’m being held here against my will. People say that no one is bigger than the club, but seriously, I’m way more important than West Brom.

‘I can’t be here anymore. I can’t remember the last time someone didn’t spit into my morning coffee at the training ground. Last week, after I told the squad they were glorified Championship players, and that Tony Pulis was no better than a Sunday League manager, I was disgusted to find that someone – and I’m convinced it was Jonas Olsson – changed the passcode on my iPhone. It’s not my fault I’m in a different league to these plodders’.

It is unclear what part Berahino, who scored twenty goals in all competitions for the Baggies last season, will play in the first team squad for the remainder of the season, but it is believed that he is planning to deposit a bag of burning human faeces outside Peace’s front door on December 31 in order to finally get his move to White Hart Lane.