Scotland have been asked to look after all the other Home Nation’s homes after becoming the only country within the United Kingdom not to qualify for next year’s UEFA European Championship.
While England, Wales and Northern Ireland will be in France competing for one of the most coveted prizes in football, Scotland will instead be tasked with feeding pets, making sure all the windows are closed, and ensuring that radios are playing loud enough to deter burglars.
Scotland boss Gordon Strachan said: ‘Naturally we’re very disappointed to be the only British side not taking part in the Euros. But we will do everything in our power to ensure that Roy Hodgson’s cat is well fed, and that all of Chris Coleman’s lights are off. Michael O’Neill wants me to keep his lawn tidy, so there’s plenty to keep me busy next summer’.
In addition, Martin O’Neill, whose Republic of Ireland side will hope to qualify via the play-offs, said following their 2-1 defeat to Poland: ‘I’ve already spoken to Gordon, and he’s said that he’s more than happy to bleed my radiators whilst we’re away. Provided we get through, of course’.
However, dissenting voices are being heard within the Scottish camp, with striker Steven Fletcher said to be leading a group that includes captain Scott Brown in drawing up plans to lay waste to English counterpart Harry Kane’s rose bushes.