The football world has today been thrown into a state of shock after images were leaked online showing Arsenal manager Arsène Wenger tossing the club’s entire transfer budget for the season into the English Channel.
The photos show the unusually well-dressed 66-year-old chucking an estimated £75 million into the 20-mile-wide stretch separating England from his native France, rather than investing it in striker Karim Benzema and a defensive midfielder.
A bald, 52-year-old Stoke-born source – that is in no way whatsoever assistant manager Steve Bould – said: ‘Arsène is determined that if we are to win the league this season, then it must be on his terms. Therefore, where others would naturally be inclined to bolster the squad with proven quality when the window re-opens, he wants to continue giving chances to younger players and playing Theo Walcott through the centre.
‘Personally I would have kept back some of the money and put in a cheeky bid for Victor Wanyama, but I suppose Arsène knows what he’s doing’, the ex-centre half source capped twice by England added.
Pictures show Wenger walking along the docks in Calais, carrying a bag stuffed with brand new banknotes, before later being shown sauntering down the corridor of a ferry bound for Dover with the bag now devoid of cash.
A final image then shows the man who has brought three Premier League titles to North London texting chairman Sir Chips Keswick, insisting that there is absolutely no need to bring in a defensive midfielder, and to trust him to bring that title back for the first time in twelve years.
In the meantime, the Gunners are preparing for the second North London derby of the season, where they will be hoping to repeat the success enjoyed last time they met arch-rivals Tottenham Hotspur.