Posts Tagged ‘Arsenal’

Arsène Wenger has promised Arsenal fans that he will be entering the January transfer market, but insists that only the very best injured players will be targeted by the London giants.

A delighted Arsène Wenger was quick to heap praise on ArsenalFanTV presenter Robbie Lyle after the latter’s stinging criticisms led directly to an upturn in the Gunners’ fortunes that resulted in the side finding themselves in a strong position to win the Premier League title.

The football world has today been thrown into a state of shock after images were leaked online showing Arsenal manager Arsène Wenger tossing the club’s entire transfer budget for the season into the English Channel.

Arsène Wenger last night rued the fact that he couldn’t celebrate Arsenal’s 2-0 win over Champions League favourites Bayern Munich by returning to his Totteridge home in his flying car.

Arsenal manager Arsène Wenger has reacted to criticisms over his team’s lack of defensive awareness by dismissing completely the entire notion of defending, a stance that is sure to come as no surprise to anyone who has visited the Emirates Stadium in the last nine years.

NASA scientists have announced that, following the discovery of flowing water on Mars, the chances of finding some sort of life form on the planet are slightly better than Arsenal’s hopes of ending their thirteen-year wait to reclaim the Premier League title.

Chelsea manger José Mourinho has reacted to Arsenè Wenger’s complaints over the Stamford Bridge side’s controversy-laden 2-0 home victory by suggesting that they both take some time to think over things before hugging it out at a later date.

West Ham United stalwart Mark Noble has revealed that he has never been happier after revealing himself to be two-parts chihuahua to his teammates last month.

An attention-seeking ITK has quoted himself as a source claiming that Karim Benzema is on the verge of completing a move to Arsenal.

Petr Čech’s fledgling career with Arsenal has today been thrown into doubt after the shot stopper admitted that everything he touches turns immediately to Skittles.

Test results on Jack Wilshere’s hairline fracture of his left fibula have shown that the Arsenal star is predominantly made of balsa wood and polyfilla, thus helping to shed light on his continuous injury woes.

Arsène Wenger’s long-running feud with José Mourinho shows no sign of abating after the Arsenal manager used today’s press conference to claim that his Chelsea counterpart ‘smells like runny poo’.