Scotland have been asked to look after all the other Home Nation’s homes after becoming the only country within the United Kingdom not to qualify for next year’s UEFA European Championship.
Wayne Rooney has spoken of his eagerness to score even more goals of little consequence for England after breaking Bobby Charlton’s long-held record of forty nine goals.
Millwall have announced plans to sue England’s successful women’s team over their use of the word ‘Lionesses’ in their nickname.
Scientists in the USA have discovered that failure is intrinsically linked to English football’s DNA, as their women’s side bowed out of the Women’s World Cup in the most dramatic fashion imaginable.
England manager Roy Hodgson has demanded that the Three Lions women’s team crack under pressure in their upcoming World Cup Semi-Final clash against Japan.
FIFA have ordered that Scotland’s match against England from 1872 be replayed, after it was discovered that the referee for the game received a bribe from a leading Glasgow bookmaker to ensure the tie finished goalless.
England’s female football team are determined to match their male counterparts in achieving as mediocre a performance as possible in the Women’s World Cup.
Roy Hodgson, who admits to being ‘a few episodes behind’ the schedule, took the opportunity to wax lyrical about the high quality acting and scripts of the critically acclaimed series.
The season draws to a close, the trophies have been lifted, and we can all look forward to a nice relaxing pummelling from the Australians in the cricket.