The Football Association today unveiled a startling trial for next season, announcing that Monkey Rush rules will apply for all Essex Senior League matches.
Every single problem faced by football has been resolved in one fell swoop after a new visual identity was unveiled for the Premier League.
The Football Association are still deciding which book exactly they are to throw at Chelsea and manager José Mourinho after the West London side brought the game further into disrepute during their 2-1 away loss to high-flying West Ham United.
Greg Dyke, chairman of the Football Association, has said that he is still behind Michel Platini becoming the next FIFA president, despite becoming embroiled in the crisis that has enveloped the body, claiming that he is the ‘lest evil’ option to lead the organisation.
Lower league sides throughout the United Kingdom are today preparing for an influx of day-tourists and their smug, patronising ways as the fifth annual Non-League Day makes it welcome return ahead of the upcoming international break.
New Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has today unveiled the first of his Socialist policies by announcing that football in the United Kingdom will be nationalised should his party win the next general election.
Blackpool have been hit with a £50,000 fine by the Football Association because they felt like it, the organisation has announced.
The Football Association are to allow a new era of racism, sexism and homophobia to begin after clearing Malky Mackay and Iain Moody for a series of offensive text messages sent by the pair in 2013.
FIFA have ordered that Scotland’s match against England from 1872 be replayed, after it was discovered that the referee for the game received a bribe from a leading Glasgow bookmaker to ensure the tie finished goalless.
Roy Hodgson, who admits to being ‘a few episodes behind’ the schedule, took the opportunity to wax lyrical about the high quality acting and scripts of the critically acclaimed series.
The season draws to a close, the trophies have been lifted, and we can all look forward to a nice relaxing pummelling from the Australians in the cricket.
The terms Foot-Ball and Foote-ball are also to be brought in for those wishing to use other adjectives to describe the prehistoric era of the sport.