Posts Tagged ‘FIFA’

Johan Cruyff, who has died aged 68, has spoken of his excitement at bringing his football philosophy to the pitches of heaven, with such late heavyweights as Eusébio and Alfredo di Stefano welcoming the Dutchman’s early arrival.

US Attorney General Loretta Lynch has spoken of her eagerness to arrest and question the next President of FIFA, with the election to crown the replacement for Sepp Blatter due to take place in Zürich on February 26.

EA Sports have announced that they will be adding Ultimate Administrator to FIFA 16 ahead of Christmas.

In the wake of Sepp Blatter’s sensational resignation as FIFA president, RoboBlatter has announced its intention to replace its human alter-ego as the head of world football’s governing body.

Sepp Blatter had admitted that the letter he wrote proclaiming his innocence in the FIFA scandal was only supposed to be for the eyes of his pen pal of the last seventy years, and was never meant to be sent to all the football associations affiliated with the global organisation.

The scandal enveloping world football’s governing body today took a new and unexpected twist after the real Sepp Blatter was found in a sealed vault deep below FIFA’s headquarters, where, he has claimed, he has been held captive since 1995.

FIFA have announced that every nation on earth will be invited to take part in the World Cup from 2026, whilst also introducing a new slogan, ‘You’re All Winners!’, as the organisation looks to move on from its most traumatic year.

Sepp Blatter and Michel Platini have seen their appeal against their ninety-day bans rejected by the FIFA appeals committee, who in a statement have said that they presumed the guilty pair were ‘taking the piss’ when they tried to get their convictions retracted.

The organisers of Qatar’s 2022 World Cup have insisted that the estimated 1,200 migrant workers said to have died during construction of stadiums in the Emirate are in fact simply resting up in preparation for a big building push over the next two years.

Sepp Blatter has been rushed to hospital after the final remains of his conscience passed away over the weekend.

The Russian Football Union has moved to deny their involvement in the doping scandal enveloping the country by insisting that there is nothing unusual about ten clones of midfielder Aleksandr Kokorin being named for their upcoming friendly against Portugal.

Greg Dyke, chairman of the Football Association, has said that he is still behind Michel Platini becoming the next FIFA president, despite becoming embroiled in the crisis that has enveloped the body, claiming that he is the ‘lest evil’ option to lead the organisation.