Posts Tagged ‘FIFA’

A 25-year-old mini football has been placed in temporary charge of FIFA following the 90-day suspension of president Sepp Blatter, as all prospective human replacements have been found to also be under investigation by Swiss authorities investigating widespread corruption within the governing body.

Convicts within the United States penal system have spoken of their excitement at potentially being joined by outgoing FIFA president Sepp Blatter in the near future.

Loretta Lynch, the US prosecutor who in May sent FIFA into chaos, has revealed that the latest findings against the governing body suggest that president Sepp Blatter is really into watching YouTube clips of stand up comedian Dave Chappelle’s eponymously-titled sketch show.

FIFA’s delegates are today celebrating the unprecedented achievement of going an entire month without a single incident of note taking place by awarding themselves $10,000 each, as well as taking their pick from the 2015 range of Mercedes-Benz executive saloons.

This week featuring the Master of Magnanimity and friend of physiotherapists, Chelsea manager José Mourinho, and Sepp venting his feelings on FIFA being compared to the Mafia.

FIFA have declared that the Micronesian national football team are to have their only ball taken away from them until they learn how to use it properly.

FIFA have ordered that Scotland’s match against England from 1872 be replayed, after it was discovered that the referee for the game received a bribe from a leading Glasgow bookmaker to ensure the tie finished goalless.

Father of three Mike Appleby has thanked FIFA for teaching his children, especially football-mad son Charlie, valuable lessons that will stand them in good stead for the rest of their lives.

Builders merchants Jewson have announced that they are prepared to host the 2018 World Cup in their lumber yards should Russia be stripped of hosting rights.

Cyril Sneer, the villain from the 1980s Canadian cartoon The Raccoons, has emerged as the favourite to replace Sepp Blatter as president of FIFA.

‘Only 0.27% of the workers will die. That’s hardly anything! Come on, it’s not exactly the Trail of Tears is it?’

The fallout from the FIFA racketeering scandal continued today after it emerged that the Hamburglar is wanted for questioning by US authorities investigating accusations of corruption within world football’s governing body.