The Football Association are still deciding which book exactly they are to throw at Chelsea and manager José Mourinho after the West London side brought the game further into disrepute during their 2-1 away loss to high-flying West Ham United.
Lower league sides throughout the United Kingdom are today preparing for an influx of day-tourists and their smug, patronising ways as the fifth annual Non-League Day makes it welcome return ahead of the upcoming international break.
New Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has today unveiled the first of his Socialist policies by announcing that football in the United Kingdom will be nationalised should his party win the next general election.
Blackpool have been hit with a £50,000 fine by the Football Association because they felt like it, the organisation has announced.
The terms Foot-Ball and Foote-ball are also to be brought in for those wishing to use other adjectives to describe the prehistoric era of the sport.