Premier League Chief Executive Richard Scudamore is said to be considering adding a surprising and explosive plot twist after the first week of the new season passed with relatively little incident.
Hull City defender Michael Dawson has had to have the basic rules of football explained to him by manager Steve Bruce for the seventeenth time this pre-season, according to sources at the KC Stadium.
Idiots across Great Britain are turning their moronic opinions from current affairs to football as the new season gets underway over the next two weeks.
’Twas upon the grounds of the Melbourne Cricket Grounds that I partook of the action, where I was told that I was witnessing a ‘grudge’ match between two local sides, the Hawthorn ‘Hawks’ and the ‘Magpies’ of Collingwood.
The terms Foot-Ball and Foote-ball are also to be brought in for those wishing to use other adjectives to describe the prehistoric era of the sport.
Football fans across the country are this weekend expected to bombard radio phone-ins ranting about how their particular club is ‘an embarrassment,’ full of ‘unprofessional players,’ and ‘a joke club, mate’.
I have been cursed with a terrible affliction, and it’s one that is threatening to completely envelop me and take over my life. I am sexually aroused by goalmouth scrambles.