Serial adulterer and all-round sex pest John Terry has spoken of his wishes to cuckold the players of whichever team he ends up playing for next season.
Following Leicester City’s confirmation as Premier League champions, reports this morning are surfacing that local Bolton man Keith Bradshaw has outed himself as a Foxes supporter, after spending the last six months saying that he ‘knew they would win the title one day, it’d been coming for years’.
Leicester City striker Jamie Vardy has promised that his highly anticipated party will be a low key celebration, as the newly crowned Premier League champions still have two games left to play this season.
Leicester fucking City, 5,000-1 outsiders to win the Premier League when it kicked off last August, are today celebrating the fact that they have only fucking well become champions of mother fucking England.
The internet’s leading network of trolls have come together to issue a statement that Leicester City are no longer fair game, as the Foxes close in on their first ever League Championship.
Arsène Wenger still believes that his Arsenal side can end the season as Premier League champions, according to a bottle of whisky he drank on Saturday night.
Officials within UEFA are said to be up in arms at the prospect of Leicester City and Tottenham Hotspur muddying up their elite Champions League competition next season, believing it to be the work of the Football Association gaining revenge for their treatment in recent years from FIFA.
Leicester City have unveiled an anthropomorphic inflatable banana as manager Claudio Ranieri’s assistant, as the club tries to stay on track for its first ever Premier League title.
Jamie Vardy has won the admiration of Britain’s racist minority after scoring his twelfth league goal in as many games for Leicester City, a feat that makes him the top scorer in the first third of the Premier League season.
Premier League Chief Executive Richard Scudamore is said to be considering adding a surprising and explosive plot twist after the first week of the new season passed with relatively little incident.