Liverpool’s hopes of quickly appointing a successor to Brendan Rodgers were dealt a blow this morning after being told that Jürgen Klopp was too busy washing his hair to take up the Anfield manager’s chair.
Following on from Brendan Rodgers’ Liverpool dismissal, Sam Allardyce is currently fretting over the fact that he can’t remember if he informed the Anfield board of directors of his new telephone number.
Brendan Rodgers has said that he is running out of ideas to get himself fired as manager of Liverpool, as his side continued their underwhelming start to the season with an unconvincing 3-2 win at home to relegation certainties Aston Villa.
Manchester United’s new striker Anthony Martial has quickly moved to thank the English press for teaching him the meaning of the word ‘hyperbole’ following his scoring debut against arch-rivals Liverpool.
Idiots across Great Britain are turning their moronic opinions from current affairs to football as the new season gets underway over the next two weeks.
Liverpool, still reeling from Raheem Sterling’s controversial move to Manchester City, have been dealt a fresh blow after their mascot, Mighty Red, handed in a transfer request just two weeks before the start of the new season.
New Liverpool signing Christian Benteke has insisted that he will not flop like Liverpool’s previous high-value signing Andy Carroll, saying that he intends to fail at Anfield more in the style of South African Sean Dundee, who lingered like a bad fart in the late 1990s.
Raheem Sterling has completed his controversial move from Liverpool to Manchester City, and has spoken at his delight of becoming the most expensive reserve player of all time.
Sky have announced that they have acquired the film rights to the Raheem Sterling transfer saga, as the winger’s controversial move from Liverpool to Manchester City enters its final stages.
Liverpool are refusing to believe Raheem Sterling’s claim that a sudden loss of his left leg is causing him to miss pre-season training.
James Milner has said that Liverpool’s inability to challenge for top honours and ridiculous wage offer convinced him to sign for the Anfield giants.
Liverpool’s quest to replicate Southampton’s successful transfer policy has resulted in offers being made for all of the Saints’ remaining English players.