Posts Tagged ‘Louis van Gaal’

Manchester United’s teen sensation Marcus Rashford won’t stop banging on about his meagre ratings in FIFA 16, sources close to the striker confirmed today.

Absolutely nobody in the world was in the least bit surprised by Manchester United’s away defeat to FC Midtjylland in the first knockout round of the Europa League, according to reports.

Louis van Gaal’s tenure as Manchester United manager could soon be at an end after five supporters were reported to have passed away through boredom during the Red Devils’ insipid home win over Sheffield United in the Emirates FA Cup third round last weekend.

Louis van Gaal is set to astound supporters of Manchester United by announcing his discovery of the true name of God in his upcoming programme notes.

Ander Herrera has been banished by Louis van Gaal to Manchester United’s Under-21 squad after daring to express a modicum of creative ability during the Red Devil’s most recent training session.

Board members of Manchester United have said that they are planning to delegate the unwanted task of terminating Louis van Gaal’s contract should the Red Devils continue to persevere with the bland, low-scoring form of football that has quickly become their trademark over the last two seasons.

Sergio Busquets has hinted that Pedro, currently being targeted by Manchester United, may well decide to have kippers for his breakfast instead of his usual bowl of summer fruits.

Louis van Gaal has spoken about his daring new 1-8-1 formation, which he is confident will sweep all before him in the upcoming season at home and abroad.

Manchester United’s executive vice-chairman Ed Woodward today insisted that the club’s appointment of David Moyes in 2013 never actually happened.

Chelsea manager José Mourinho yesterday morning used his daily press conference to allege that he was felched by his Manchester United counterpart Louis van Gaal.