David de Gea’s failed move from Manchester to Real Madrid took a new twist this morning after the goalkeeper returned to training to find teammate Juan Mata decked out in his previously thought abandoned training kit.
Journalist Guillem Balagué has expressed his disappointment at discovering that Sky Sports’ Spanish football studio is not actually a bodega, after being caught trying to extract beer from a pump behind the bar.
An attention-seeking ITK has quoted himself as a source claiming that Karim Benzema is on the verge of completing a move to Arsenal.
Tottenham Hotspur manager Mauricio Pochettino has drunkenly boasted of Harry Kane’s potential to become the best striker in world football, as the North London club prepare to take on Real Madrid, AC Milan and hosts Bayern Munich in the pre-season Audi Cup.
Iker Casillas’s 25-year-association with Real Madrid came to an end yesterday as the goalkeeper was escorted outside the Estadio Santiago Bernabéu and shot in the back of the head.
Sergio Ramos is hoping to force Real Madrid’s hand in his desire to depart the Santiago Bernabéu by releasing a rap single entitled ‘Señor Pérez (Is A Cunt)’, which features lines like ‘If you were the only cunt in the world, I still wouldn’t fuck you’.
Tottenham Hotspur have once more fallen victim to a Real Madrid transfer assault, after the Spanish giants announced the signing of mascot Chirpy for an undisclosed fee.