FIFA have announced that every nation on earth will be invited to take part in the World Cup from 2026, whilst also introducing a new slogan, ‘You’re All Winners!’, as the organisation looks to move on from its most traumatic year.
The organisers of Qatar’s 2022 World Cup have insisted that the estimated 1,200 migrant workers said to have died during construction of stadiums in the Emirate are in fact simply resting up in preparation for a big building push over the next two years.
A 25-year-old mini football has been placed in temporary charge of FIFA following the 90-day suspension of president Sepp Blatter, as all prospective human replacements have been found to also be under investigation by Swiss authorities investigating widespread corruption within the governing body.
FIFA’s delegates are today celebrating the unprecedented achievement of going an entire month without a single incident of note taking place by awarding themselves $10,000 each, as well as taking their pick from the 2015 range of Mercedes-Benz executive saloons.
Brazilian defender Lúcio has asked to be released from his contract with Indian Super League side FC Goa after the Indian government announced a clampdown on a vast number of pornographic websites.
Argentina legend Diego Maradona managed to suppress a fit of giggles while making the claim that he has been clean of drugs for over a decade.
Zinedine Zidane’s status as one of the greatest footballers of all time has been attributed to the 1990s obsession with irony, it has been claimed.
Builders merchants Jewson have announced that they are prepared to host the 2018 World Cup in their lumber yards should Russia be stripped of hosting rights.
‘Only 0.27% of the workers will die. That’s hardly anything! Come on, it’s not exactly the Trail of Tears is it?’
FIFA have announced that tickets for all matches will be given away as free prizes in both boxes of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes and McDonald’s Happy Meals.