speednob spurs

Tottenham Hotspur star Ryan Mason has discovered much to his surprise that his club’s badge bears an uncanny resemblance to an intricate speed nob.

The midfielder made the discovery while attempting to break Nabil Bentaleb’s record of drawing seven speed nobs inside one minute, a task he ultimately failed.

Mason said: ‘The more cocks I drew, the more I realised that it reminded me of something, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. Then when I looked up, and saw the club crest on Nab’s tracksuit top, it hit me: the Spurs badge is just a posh cock and balls. Or ball, to be more precise.

‘Seriously’, the 24-year-old added, ‘draw some pubes on the ball and it’s a perfect likeness. How has no one noticed this before?’

In light of this discovery, Mason is considering asking for a transfer to a club whose symbol is at least a little bit less Freudian.