FIFA Skill Ball

A 25-year-old mini football has been placed in temporary charge of FIFA following the 90-day suspension of president Sepp Blatter, as all prospective human replacements have been found to also be under investigation by Swiss authorities investigating widespread corruption within the governing body.

The multicoloured ball – a merchandising gimmick produced by Coca-Cola for the 1990 World Cup, will be tasked with overseeing day-to-day events at FIFA’s Zurich headquarters, and support for it to be made permanent chief is believed to be growing amongst both Asian and South American Ex-Co members.

Blatter was found to have made a ‘disloyal payment’ of $2,000,000 to UEFA president Michel Platini in 2011 for what was claimed to be work done over a decade previously, but what appears instead to be a barely disguised bribe made to stop the French legend from running against the 79-year-old in that year’s FIFA presidential election. Platini has also been suspended for 90 days, thus bringing to an end his heavily favoured campaign to finally assume control of world football’s governing organisation.

A spokesman, reading a statement for the ball said: ‘I am delighted to be placed in charge of this wonderful organisation, and I hope that in my small period as the head of the football family, I can make a difference. I may only be a few inches in diameter, and my bladder may no longer be able to hold air like it used to, but my heart – and appetite for real reform over the next three months – is large’.

However, things might not run so smoothly for the ball, as the FBI have started to make moves for extradition after discovering documents that implicate it in a 2013 eBay fraud scandal, where the ball was sold by a merchant in Nottingham for £15.90, but never delivered to the winning bidder, with no refund ever being made.

Blatter’s return is scheduled for January 2016, with the congress he called for his successor to be decided taking place on February 26.