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FIFA have announced that, in anticipation of spectators being apprehensive about attending a winter-based World Cup in politically sensitive Qatar in 2022, tickets for all matches will be given away as free prizes in both boxes of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes and McDonald’s Happy Meals.

However, FIFA president Sepp Blatter was keen to point out that tickets for the Final would only be available in 1kg packs of the popular cereal.

He said: ‘We are aware that there may be a great deal of concern on the part of those wishing to celebrate the great gathering of the FIFA family in Qatar, so we are pleased to announce that tickets can be found free with your breakfast meal, or when your hungry child settles down to eat a hamburger and fries.

‘However, if you are a homosexual, or a woman, perhaps it is best if you keep this knowledge to yourself. Or, better still, don’t come at all’.